"Slowly sinking, wasting...crumbling like pastries"

You can't slap a tear and turn it into a smile.

That eagle that casts a shadow on that tree that looks like a can of worms.. it doesn't mean a thing.

There's no one to go back to.
No friends.

No family.

You can't erase that from reality, anyway. That you went back in order to be with them.

They used to have those sums in Maths back in school.. a bus/car/bicycle would travel far and wide and come back to the same point in some hypothetical joke which would light up those braces and the teething youth hiding behind them.

Displacement = 0.

That's not gonna happen if you can help it now, would it?

I used to sit like that.
My face in my palms. My eyes out of focus.

Blinking always helped.

Each time my eyes closed, it felt like the end of a tunnel.

The kohl helps. It doesn't let the tears roll over and take the leap.

Dilli Haat. That day when I just sat on the round whats-its-name beneath the tree and stunned myself.

Shine

Stop shining.

If you shine, I'll have to close my eyes. And I'll miss you.

This image of you, burnt in my brain... this image.. it's fading.

Your face isn't yellow orange anymore.

With every sweep of a broom outside... with every turn of the ceiling fan, with every note of Alexandre Desplat's music, I feel the unfeeling. The numbness in my eyes.. the tears that are lashing like angry waves against my brain.. the memories that are trying to shatter into smithereens.
Life becomes a pregnant pause when the music ends on YouTube and the only other sound in the room is my breath. I mistake it for disgust. It escapes me. If only I could, too.

Yesterday, therapy seemed too expensive... as if almost a luxury. Sadness... a hobby. Closure... an exercise, an amusement. Like drawing or pottery or woodwork. An activity. Something that gets you a remark. On days like those, you grow restless when you see young boys with red eyes, waiting in a hospital queue. You want to click photos and erase the redness on the computer. Paint. Photoshop. Whatever. Make it a pure black again.
Shining eyes.
With light trapped in them.

Trapped. Yes.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Stop.
Don't you know I need to talk?

Need to be?
Hello?
You sound... forget it..
No, don't.
At least, I don't want to be the one reminding you.

Or maybe I do?
Hang on. Hang on a moment.
What's with the accent?
Are you.. are you mad at me?
I need to be near you. And I need to talk to myself while I talk to you.
Be still. How else will I talk?
I see myself. I see myself in you.
Funny how I never knew what it means. That you're like water, passing me by.
You're so much like the sea. And I'm so scared that if I breathe you in, I'll be all heavy.
And you won't let me go.
Do you promise you won't?

Waiting

What about the love between Voldemort and his horcruxes? Draco, Crabbe and Goyle? Can I write without remembering what I wrote?

I wish I could.

I bet I could.

My soul shrinks and expands as I look all around myself.

You bring me space and I bring you time.

You bring me echoes.
I'm just a wall.

In a world, where people grow wings, I tell myself that I've grown roots.

I know you're waiting for me, like Death.

The very first time I saw you, I knew.

You and me.
Hang on. :)

Why Do We Talk?

You don't have answers to the questions I haven't asked you.

You don't have answers anyway.

But I do know one thing...

If I cry "Bully!", you'll cry "Bystander!"

I'll say I wanted to belong to you and your world.

You'll say I let you be, let you get away with all that you did.

I can't say yes. I can't say no.

Maybe I'm talking AT you. I was talking and you.. well you just happened to be there... you know what I mean?

Happens all the time.

Glitterature

Ten years of Potter are about to come to an end.

Some are old faithfuls, like the trio playing Harry, Ron and Hermione, of course. Some, like Robert Pattinson have moved on to.. er.. shinier prospects.

Over the past couple of weeks, the phenomenon of Potterphiles lashing out at Cullen's clan ("Toilet", Ed"Weird" and "Squid"ward being just a few examples) has seen a crescendo of emotions and true to hollywood background scores inside my head. Initially, I laughed at every poster that admonished Rob Pattz and his vampire state of mind.

With time, however, I have begun to see the franchise as a series for breathless adolescents and sleepless fanged people.

On the verge of turning indifferent, I decided to finally acknowledge it's presence in my life and treat it as a much-disliked but hard to miss chapter in my syllabus. (And yes, I still teach in a school).

And this is what I would like to observe about shiny things in general, with some help from "How I Met Your Mother":

The more I connect with people, the more they seem to shine. The more polished they seem to be. Squeaky clean. And I see myself reflected in them.

I am more of a matte finish girl.

Fish and women get attracted to shiny things, says Barney Stinson. I don't know about fish but I think I do because anything that's shiny is attractive because of the image of myself in it. Who doesn't love to look at themselves, right?

As for Edward Cullen (aforementioned vampire), he shines like an engagement ring in sunlight. Not that he wants to. For the record, Edward also dislikes Jacob Black's perennial public display of brawn and is known to have reacted, poker-face, "Doesn't he own a shirt?"

P.S.: Jacob is also shiny, but probably that's just sweat. Sorry, not important.

I'm Too Young For This Shit

Ted Mosby (of How I Met Your Mother) seems to believe in a list of all the stuff he thinks he's too old for. On the show, he and his friends call it The Murtaugh List, after the role Danny Glover played in the Lethal Weapon series.

Well I'm gonna go with stuff I don't understand. Transcending categories of "couldn't", "wouldn't" and "shouldn't", I'm just gonna settle for "don't".

Yes, I don't think I can understand this stuff.

1. Words like Forever and Never.

2. Definitions - like "friend", "relative", "love", "happiness", "success" etc.

3. "Time". Beat it nerd. Go watch someone else bat their eyelids.

4. People who say they "found" themselves. If they WERE hiding till now, what's to say they won't fall back again?

5. The use of Comparatives and Superlatives. I don't think they'll ever come up with something like "Superlative Psychology". What's that again? "I'm the best and f*** the rest"? You're really gonna go with that?

6. Answering "why?" satisfactorily. Can't be done. Trust me.

7. Trust.

8. Me.